This whole long distance dating thing isn't new to me. I've done it a couple times. Of course, obviously, they didn't work out and that had a whole lot to do with my obsessive need for physical comfort and plain distrust on both parts. With the guy I'm with now I don't feel any of that. I mean, we are really up front and honest with each other. I know he goes out and he knows I go out. It is just now... though I ache to touch him and hold him and be held and kissed... I have no desire to receive that from anyone else but him. It is odd. I was engaged and I never felt this way. It just seems that I have come to a point in my life where I don't NEED the attention. When I was younger I needed to feel beautiful and have someone tell me so. I needed someone to show me attention, physical and otherwise, to make me feel good about myself.
The question comes to my mind with this relationship: Have I finally gotten to the point where I don't need any of that or is the fact that I feel so connected to him that I don't want anything from anyone else except him. The answer: A little of both.
I haven't told him I love him. That doesn't mean I don't. I haven't made the leap to full term relationship. That doesn't mean it won't happen. Until now I'm perfectly content with just knowing him. I'm happy with just the sound of his voice when he says "dearest". The texts that tell me that he is thinking of me. That is enough for me. I think that in the past I have been in such a hurry to get to the juicy part of the relationship that I forgot that relationships need to be born and crawl long before we walk and run. I have come into my own, as a woman and as a human being. I know what I want and I know that if I am patient everything I want is going to come to me. I just have lessons to learn and I have to just be happy in the experience of it all. We we are in such a rush to make the major decisions then we miss all the precious experiences along the way.
I think that is why this relationship might work. I'm always an optimist. I realize that it might not work and it is too soon to tell, but why enter a new relationship thinking that it is eventually going to end. I used to do that. Enter into a relationship with one foot always out the door, but for some reason this man wants me to enter and stay for a while. It IS a bit uneasy because I haven't ever been in this place before. I haven't been in this place with the person I am now. I am still getting to know him, but the more I know him the more I want to stay with him. The more I want to do all that I can to make it work.
I refuse to let him sacrifice his boundaries and dreams for me and vice versa. I'm going to do all I can to make it work without losing my sense of self. When they say two become one... that doesn't mean to lose who you are. It just means that two people become one UNIT... not one person. Everything about him compliments who I am. Everything about who I am makes him a better person and vice versa. Now that IS a new world for me. I've been in too many relationships where it is a power struggle. I'm really excited to see where this goes. I don't know how it will end or if it ever will. Until that point in time, I'm going to just enjoy the essence of who he is, who I am, and what this relationship brings to our lives.
Comments (1)
good luck, as you know its always tough to be in a relationship but you have the right mentality