I was reading a blog about someone whose views on the man they are with based on their relationship with their father.  Lord, it took me so long to realize just how much my father had influenced my ideas of the man I should be with. 

My father isn't a bad guy.  He is just ill tempered and immature.  I matured past him when I turned about 13.  My parents are divorced since I was 9 and my mom remarried not long after that.  Luckily, for me, I had an incredible step father.  I didn't realize it until I was 20 something, but you know... better late then never.

I hate all those people who BLAME their parents for the way they grew up.  Now, granted, there is a point to where they influenced who you are and how you think, but there also comes a point where you have to take responsibility for your own actions. 

My father, bless his soul. was emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive to my mother.  That's what I grew up with.  Some of my earliest memories are of my dad threatening that if I didn't get ready fast enough that he would leave me... and did.  I remember the way he hit my  mother.  The words he used.  I spent many days after my parents divorce waiting on my dad to show up at things and being a no show. 

I spent a good portion of my dating life influenced by the way my father treated my mother.  I spent most of my life over reacting, over compensating, and scared.  I gravitated to the men who treated me badly because that is what I knew.  When I guy treated me well I freaked and found some way to sabotage the relationship.  I remember vividly when I started dating my ex fiance him looking at me straight in the eye asking, "Why won't you let me love you?"  I didn't have an answer.  It is then when I began to realize that I had always been so ready for something go wrong that I wasn't letting anything go right.

I slowly but surely came to the realization that not all my are like my father.  That there are men out there that are caring and truly look out for my well being.  I have people like my step father, best friend Brian and even my ex to thank for that.  They showed me there are people out there that really want to love me if I just let them.  Now my ex wasn't the greatest at showing that, but it was a huge step in my dating psyche. 

I spent a lot of my life being afraid that the men in my life were like my dad.  It was like Jekyll and Hyde.  They would be nice one minute and mean the next.  I dated SO many guys like that.  I didn't think that I would find the happiness that I saw so many of my friends experiencing.  I'm so glad that I finally came to realize that to be in the type of relationship that I wanted I would have to change my way of thinking, of loving, and what I was looking for.  I love my dad, but I definitely don't want to date someone like him. 

This whole long distance dating thing isn't new to me.  I've done it a couple times.  Of course, obviously, they didn't work out and that had a whole lot to do with my obsessive need for physical comfort and plain distrust on both parts.  With the guy I'm with now I don't feel any of that.  I mean, we are really up front and honest with each other.  I know he goes out and he knows I go out.  It is just now... though I ache to touch him and hold him and be held and kissed... I have no desire to receive that from anyone else but him.  It is odd.  I was engaged and I never felt this way.  It just seems that I have come to a point in my life where I don't NEED the attention.  When I was younger I needed to feel beautiful and have someone tell me so.  I needed someone to show me attention, physical and otherwise, to make me feel good about myself. 

The question comes to my mind with this relationship: Have I finally gotten to the point where I don't need any of that or is the fact that I feel so connected to him that I don't want anything from anyone else except him.  The answer: A little of both. 

I haven't told him I love him.  That doesn't mean I don't.  I haven't made the leap to full term relationship.  That doesn't mean it won't happen.  Until now I'm perfectly content with just knowing him.  I'm happy with just the sound of his voice when he says "dearest".  The texts that tell me that he is thinking of me.  That is enough for me.  I think that in the past I have been in such a hurry to get to the juicy part of the relationship that I forgot that relationships need to be born and crawl long before we walk and run.  I have come into my own, as a woman and as a human being.  I know what I want and I know that if I am patient everything I want is going to come to me.  I just have lessons to learn and I have to just be happy in the experience of it all.  We we are in such a rush to make the major decisions then we miss all the precious experiences along the way.

I think that is why this relationship might work.  I'm always an optimist.  I realize that it might not work and it is too soon to tell, but why enter a new relationship thinking that it is eventually going to end.  I used to do that.  Enter into a relationship with one foot always out the door, but for some reason this man wants me to enter and stay for a while.  It IS a bit uneasy because I haven't ever been in this place before.  I haven't been in this place with the person I am now.  I am still getting to know him, but the more I know him the more I want to stay with him.  The more I want to do all that I can to make it work.

I refuse to let him sacrifice his boundaries and dreams for me and vice versa.  I'm going to do all I can to make it work without losing my sense of self.  When they say two become one... that doesn't mean to lose who you are.  It just means that two people become one UNIT... not one person.  Everything about him compliments who I am.  Everything about who I am makes him a better person and vice versa.  Now that IS a new world for me.  I've been in too many relationships where it is a power struggle.  I'm really excited to see where this goes.  I don't know how it will end or if it ever will. Until that point in time, I'm going to just enjoy the essence of who he is, who I am, and what this relationship brings to our lives.

THIS ONE IS AN OLD BLOG I WROTE, BUT IT IS A GOOD ONE!!

I, being a modern woman, have observed something about my gender that has fascinated me...we want what we want when we want it. This goes from childhood, into relationships, into our work... we have become bitches. I don't say this in a derogatory way, but I mean we have become iron willed and completely bloodthirsty.

It is no longer that age old story of a woman attending college to pass the time while her fiance/ husband gets a degree or that we are looking for a man to marry. We are actually attending college to receive an education. We get jobs because we want to. Granted, there are women out there who prefer to find the rich husband or work until the kids come, but that is a personal CHOICE now. Not a socially forced role. Isn't it funny that only thirty years ago the women who went out and wanted a job and a career were the ones that were looked badly upon? Now, if I woman decides she wants to stay home and be a stay at home mom for a few years, she is the one that is laughed at because she is seen as weak.

At weddings, the single girls used to FIGHT over the bouquet. (I've seen it... it wasn't pretty) and now the single girls HATE that part of a wedding because first off it just flaunts their weakness that they are a single girl and second because most aren't ready or don't want to think about marriage yet. I have been to FIVE weddings in the past two years and not a SINGLE woman in the small crowd of women were excited to catch the bouquet. Most were fighting to stand near the back in hopes that the bride didn't have a great throwing arm as to avoid the embarrassment of dodging the bundle of flowers.

I admit... I'm a woman looking for a man that will love, honor, and cherish me for the rest of my life. Yet, women in today's culture don't want a husband to obey, but a partner to respect. There are those out there who believe that hardcore traditional family values are the way to go, but they don't seem to want to give up their job or career to have families.

Traditionally, the woman would give up everything to be a wife and a mother to their families... you have to remember that. Some don't though... They just want to go under the blanket of having those traditional moral fibers with a little liberal, modern twist. Which is perfectly fine, but I feel it is important for the woman to make that very clear before the "I dos" and before the "It's a boy/girl" moments. Those are the times to finally discuss how many kids you want or how you feel toward raising your children in the church or even what you believe theologically or philosophically.

Those subjects are uncomfortable, but come on ladies... we aren't little girls anymore and as one song says, "She is trying to make it in her daddy's world". We are a generation of free thinkers. We can vote, apply for any jobs we want, choose who we date and marry, and even have the choice of whether we want to have kids or not. Why is it though when it comes to something personal with the men we love are we so scared to stand up for ourselves? We are so ready to compromise EVERYTHING as to not rock the boat and then fifteen years later with a couple of kids and a mortgage payment he leaves you for another woman or you end up hating him and yourself? Then you wonder what happened to the relationship why did it die, etc. I'll tell you why, because he fell in love with YOU. Not what he wanted you to be.

We ALL men and women alike when we are in relationships always have things that we could CHANGE about each other. "I hate the way my best friend slurps his soda" or "I wish he would stop laughing so loud when we are out in restaurants". It starts with little things like that... then it moves on to the big stuff. Eventually, you have morphed so much to try to please the other person that you have lost your identity and the sight of why you fell in love with that person in the first place.

Of course relationships involve compromise, but not complete surrender. Your wife and husband SHOULD be the most important people in your lives, BUT if you don't go out and experience life then what is there to grow? You stop talking and you stop listening because it is the same old gripe about work or kids.

Women, don't forget that a relationship isn't a prison. It doesn't mean he is allowed to stop complimenting your or giving you kisses on the fore head when he gets home. You are allowed to have an opinion on what you do with your time off. He also can't be your slave either. There are things that you are just going to have to accept. You won't like some of his friends when they come over and he won't like some of yours. He probably will watch his sport of choice and not want to talk about curtains or relationship issues at that very moment, but I promise if you just wait until after and ASK (not demand) nicely AFTER the game then he will give you the time you need to talk about what's on your mind. If not, well, then he is jerk...

Men, you aren't allowed to treat your girlfriend/wife like she is your mother. You are a big boy. You can pick up your own laundry and when you are hungry for a snack you can get up and get it yourself. You have to be willing to sit and LISTEN to what she wants to talk about. Discuss it. Just because she says it's alright that you go out EVERY night with your buddies to do one thing or another... its not. She loves you and wants to spend time with you or she wouldn't be with you. If she has expressed her dislike for something you do... TALK ABOUT it. Don't just give in or put a defensive wall up. Reach a compromise about what you do and how much you'll do it. Give her the same curtsy. If her nagging you about not doing something EXACTLY her way causes you to have a HUGE blow out fight. Stop and think... is it really worth it and then just talk about how you feel.

Couples, yes your single friends will rag you about being "whipped", but what they don't understand is it isn't whipped. It is just setting ground rules and boundaries and sticking with them. If your significant other doesn't want you going to bars on weeknights then don't. But compromise and say that you want to go out on weekends. If your partner wants your help cleaning the kitchen but your favorite show is on set aside the specific chores they want you to do so it can get done AFTER the show. (and ACTUALLY DO IT). That way they can get their chores done and when you are done watching your show, they have 30 minutes of THEIR time on the TV while you do your stuff.

Single people don't seem to understand until they are in a relationship that being whipped isn't a bad thing. It is if you are really whipped, but most mistake respect and compromise for being "whipped" and which is completely not true.

Modern women have a tendency to yell and argue... a lot. When they don't get their way. We are a society which has invented "bridezillas" and "trophy wives" as an acceptable way of behaving. Hate to break it to you, but all that behavior has proven was that most women of today's society have regressed to being spoiled selfish little girls. It has totally negated the women's lib movement. I am all for being girlie and wearing a bra and being taken care of EVERY NOW AND THEN, but that doesn't mean I can't do my own laundry, get my own gas, and pay my own bills.

As a modern woman I have learned that I have to be independant, strong, with a touch of softness. We no longer are itching to get married, but instead itching to find love. The reason being is that sometimes LOVE doesn't equal marriage and kids. Most of the time it does, but we have realized that when you marry someone that doesn't mean you love them. There are a lot of marriages where love isn't involved. We look for LOVE. That love that you will do anything for. That keeps you believing that their is hope out there.

I truly believe there is someone for everyone, but sometimes that someone isn't the one you end up with. There are soul mates, true loves, one and onlys, and companions. Sometimes you don't marry your soul mate, but your true love. And so on and so forth. And if you are patient and the time is right you will see what I am talking about. You watch it the eyes of a couple renewing their vows on their 50th wedding anniversary or the eyes of a couple that just got engaged. Keep looking. You'll see what I'm talking about. The perfect combination.

For example, my close friend Corey and her finance Phil, every time I see them together I just know that they were meant to be together. Through the good, bad, and ugly there is no doubt of love there. Everything that they had to go through to get to each other just gives me hope for my future. Corey is a modern woman who is in love. So it is possible and we are capable of being both a modern woman and in love.

There you go... this one was a long one and a bit scattered.

Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!" :-)